My lover, I'll never leave you behind
by alwaysmonchele
Summary: In memory of Cory Monteith. When Cory dies, Lea finds herself alone, with something greater than herself to take care of. Now that she's doing it alone, how will she be able to deal with it? (Monchele Fic) RIP Cory, we love you.


It had been eleven agonizingly long months of absolute hell for Lea – eleven months without _him_. Eleven months without his warm embrace, without his long fingers casually brushing her hip as she closed the waffle iron. Eleven months of the coffee pot off. Eleven months of his clothes un-worn. Eleven months of his keys sitting on their hook beside the front door. Eleven months of his car sitting in her driveway – untouched, and forgotten.

She sat on the edge of their bed that they shared together wondering why he had to leave her. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to be so selfish? Why did he make her resent him for leaving her alone in her greatest time of need?

They had agreed to have a baby together after he had left rehab, to start their family after a year and a half of marriage. They had tried for almost four months with nothing – with several negative pregnancy tests thrown into the trash can – along with broken hearts and dreams. It broke his heart a little every time he felt he had failed her.

Why did he have to go? Why did he have to leave?

Glancing around the room at his silver metal watch sitting face up on their bedroom dresser that she had yet to move, two parallel tears streamed down her cool face, burning her eyes and her throat – begging for their mercy to just be let out into another fit of hysteria.

Their last photo together sat in the corner of their bedside table, a thin sheet of dust covering the glass frame that it resided in.

He looked so happy. He _was _so happy. Or so she thought.

As her feet dangled off their high bed that he insisted they get after convincing her that he would help her up into it every night, she thought about how selfish it was for him to have left her with this stupid bed that she never wanted in the first place. She tried to hate everything he ever did, said, or made her feel.

Every time she tried to feel a bit less lonely, the memories washed over her like a maverick wave – and she was too fragile to fight it off.

The leather jacket he had forgotten to take that weekend hung still on the coat rack beside the bedroom door, waiting to be worn.

Faintly, she heard the soft wails down the corridor of their long hallway of their large house he had insisted they buy. He told her they would appreciate the space when they had all of their munchkins running around – little did they know then that that wouldn't happen, and she would be alone in this big house they were supposed to make a home – together.

She had fought sleep for so long, that it was no problem to get up off of the bed, and slowly make her way down to where the sound was coming from. She slowly approached the door, pushing it open softly, and padding over to the cherry wooden crib that held their small eight-week-old daughter.

Lea couldn't help the urge to let the stream of hot tears that settled into her eyes as she looked down at the angel that reminded her so much of him. Addison. Their little girl. Their baby. Their miracle that they had tried so hard for. She was perfect. Ten fingers, ten toes, and that perfect soft brown patch of thin hair atop her small pale head.

The baby wailed harshly, waiting to feel the warmth of her mother against her small wiggling body. Lea couldn't muster up the strength to pick her up. She was a mother – to a beautiful healthy baby girl that she wanted so badly. Yet the only thing that ran through her head every time she was faced with the fact of being a mother was the rage and resentment of him leaving her here by herself to care for their child and lead the rest of their lives by herself.

They agreed to have a baby _together_. She didn't agree to have a baby alone.

_"Baby, what do you think?" His voice pulled her out of her oblivion as he rested the proposition onto her shoulders._

_A baby? A Child? He wanted them to have a baby?_

_"I-I don't know, C-Cory, I mean…I just – don't know…" She trailed, trying to imagine the changes she would have to adapt to in order to give him what he clearly wanted._

_Not to say she didn't want a baby. Of course she wanted a baby – half of her and half of him. Her perfect, beautiful, amazing husband. He did everything for her. He was her rock. He was her _everything_._

_"You don't have to say yes right now – but just say you'll think about it. Because there's nothing more I want in the world to have a baby with my beautiful wife." He said as he pulled her forward into his body, holding her head against his chest, placing a soft kiss into her hair. _

_He had worked so hard to make himself better for her. He battled his demons for his entire life, and she knew he wanted to be responsible for something – someone. He wanted to give a child the life he never had. He wanted to be the father that his own father never could be._

_Was she keeping him from his dreams? Well, no…not if she had the same dreams as he did. She had always wanted children – lots of them. That she knew for sure. _

_Her mind trailed off into a place of imagine, where he talked to their baby as he cradled her in his large arms as he sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the nursery that they had reserved in their house._

_She imagined him holding her hand as she fought hard to bring their child into the world. She imagined him kissing her forehead as he told her he would get the baby in the middle of the night. She imagined him holding the baby as he tried to warm up a bottle, getting frustrated when the water wouldn't boil fast enough. She imagined the smile on his face as she told him she was pregnant._

_Of course she wanted to have a baby with him. She had him after all to help her - she would never be alone in this. _

Her thick brown waves fell in front of her small face as she cried, still staring at the small squirming baby below her, not being able to bring herself to relieve her of her own pain. He should _be here. _

"Where are you, Cory? Why did you do this to me, why did you do this to me?" She whispered as she let the tears fall in streams down onto the pale taupe carpet that her feet rested in.

Cries of desperation filled her ears as she held her head in her hands and let her emotions take her over, her soft screams muffled by her hands.

All that she ever wanted had seemed to slip away. He had died – and that hadn't seemed to be real to her. How could he be _dead_. Gone forever. It just didn't seem possible.

_"I want to have a baby, Cory." She said softly, looking up at him through her thick eyelashes to see what he would say._

_He stared down at her, taking in what she had just said._

_"Y-You will? You want to have a baby? Really?" The smile on his face was the only convincing she needed. She wanted to make him a father – a daddy. _

_"Yes really. I really want to have a baby!" She said excitedly, not having much time to speak as he attached their lips, holding her face as close and has firm as he could without hurting her. _

_He couldn't believe she had said yes. He knew she wanted children, but bringing up the idea so suddenly made him unsure of her answer. _

_He was going to be a dad, and she was going to be a mom. She was going to be a mommy. Registering this in his head, He took pride in taking her up easily in his arms; her laughter filled his ears as he carried her up into their bedroom, crashing hard against the wall as soon as they reached the threshold. He couldn't resist her. Not now, and not ever._

_As his hand went to her hair, getting lost in the thick, smooth, fruity scented locks, he hand found his neck as she pulled him close as she could, pressing her body into his._

_He needed her. He would always need her. He was nothing without her. Being as happy as he was right now, he questioned what life was like before her – he couldn't even remember. He couldn't remember a time without her. It was always her. She was always his, and he was always hers – they were always each other's._

_Her hands tangle into his thick hair, tugging at it roughly as she slips her tongue between his lip moaning as he sucks on it, "Cory." _

_The harder he tried to push her into the wall, the harder she tried to push herself closer to him. His hands found the hem of her thin camisole as he slowly dragged it up, letting his fingertips graze the soft tanned skin of his beautiful wife. As he got the thin fabric over her perfectly erect breasts, he easily pulled it over her head, their lips breaking for a brief moment, resumed as quick as it had ended, connecting them once again._

_"Cory…" She moaned into his mouth. "I need you." She told him softly._

_He didn't have to answer. Every breath was an answer for both of them. _

_She brought her small hands to the bottom of his shirt, pulling it up quickly, her hands finding the soft skin of his torso, letting the small of her palms graze over the perfectly sculpted, hairless body of her gorgeous husband. She brought her lips to his neck and placed soft open mouthed kisses to every inch of skin she could before he picked her up into his arms once again and moved to the bed, placing her down a bit more roughly this time, his eyes hungry with desire. _

_Her hair fanned out beside and behind her, framing her face perfectly for him to see. He looped his fingers into her thin pants, pressing his lips to every inch of skin he revealed with each drag of his hands. _

_"Baby." Cory moans out, his hands roaming her smooth legs as he finally gets the last bit of fabric off of her body._

_He drags his lips up her calves, kissing tentatively each part of skin he can, making his way to the inside of her thighs, placing small kisses on each until he gets to the patch of fabric covering the one thing he knows she needs kissed, touched, and fucked the most. She squirms impatiently, extremely hot and turned on in front of him. _

_As much as he loves giving her what she wants, he loves to see her beg and moan for him. _

_"Cory please…I need you…please." She begs, running her nails through his hair, disheveling it and making it look just how she loves it – completely messy and completely fucking hot._

_He runs one finger slowly over the fabric down in a line of where he knows she'll go crazy over. He pushes gently, putting pressure onto her opening, still covered by her silky black lace panties. He can feel her wet center seeping through the thin fabric, proving to him what she needs most._

_"You're so wet for me, baby. God you're so fucking hot." He says, his hot breath wavering over her most sensitive spot. _

_He carefully traces his fingers over the lace of her panties, teasing her before pulling them slowly down her body, finally getting them off. He resumes his position of kneeling in front of her, her legs hanging off the edge of their tall bed. His hands run back up her legs, pushing them up in a bent position until both her small feel are planted flat on the bed as he runs his hands to her knees and slowly pushes them apart, revealing herself to him. _

_He leans his face forward, slowly taking her in as he sticks his tongue out to drag it down her slit to her opening, pushing his tongue inside her._

_"Oh god, Cory!" She moans out, rocking her hips up into his face, needing as much friction as she can possibly get. He moves his arm to her waist, the length of it long enough to cover her from hip to hip, holding her still. As he moves his tongue inside her, he brings his thumb up to the spot he knows she'll love. As he rubs her clit gently with the pad of his thumb, his tongue moves circles in the holy place only he gets to be inside of._

_Moving closer to the edge, she grips the sheets in fistfuls, moaning out his name. _

_"God baby, don't stop…it feels so-so-fu-fucking good." Trying to get more of him, her efforts to do so are stopped by his large, strong arm blocking the only way to be closer to him. _

_"I'm so close, Cory…" She moans out as he continues his magic on her, pausing once to switch places. He curls one large finger inside of her up to the spot that drives her mad, as his tongue presses her clit. _

_Flicking the small nub, he slowly stops his traces, and kisses her once, moving his lips up to her thighs, and to her flat stomach, where their tiny miracle will be vested in. Just, the thought makes him love her more._

_The fact that they can create a life – together that will slowly grow inside of her amazes him. It makes him feel like there is purpose – like this is what life is about._

_As he resumes his kisses upwards, the fact that his bottom half is still fully clothed embarks her on her task. As he nears her breasts, she nearly forgets about his jeans, and is too busy focusing on how good it feels to be touched by him – the large, burly man she gets to call her husband._

_Too busy to think, she focuses on how amazingly painful it feels as he takes her taught nipple between his pointer finger and thumb, pinching it gently. He takes the other into his mouth, biting down on it with his teeth, just hard enough to make her cry out. _

_Making his way to her neck, she reaches down to his zipper, unbuttoning and unzipping as quickly as she can manage, pushing the rough fabric down with the pads of her feet, her movements quick with need._

_He looks up to the bedside table, seeing the golden foil packets lying there, and he smiles knowing they have no use for them anymore._

_He makes his way to her face, looking into her eyes as he rolls his thumbs over her small cheeks, taking in her beauty._

_This beautiful woman is going to give him a child – a little person that is half of him and half of her. He gazes into her eyes, imagining a small girl with long brown hair, with caramel eyes, having the same beauty as his wife. _

_"I love you so much, baby." He whispers into her ear, hovering above her entrance._

_His hands move to her knees, pressing them further apart as his large body fits onto hers. _

_"I love you too, Cory." She moans as she presses her body up into his, his tip pressing her center, waiting for entry._

_As he presses his face against hers, he slowly lets himself down onto her, his large member sinking into the one place he loves most. She relaxes all muscles, sinking down onto the sheets, taking him in. They both moan out with Zen, both of them adjusting to each other._

_Even though they've done this thousands of times, it still feels like the first._

_Once he's fully inside her, he presses his lips down hard onto hers, his tongue grazing her lip, and going into her mouth as she parts hers. Their tongues dance joyfully, their warm breath feeling like home._

_As he slowly exits her, he pushes back in all the way, causing her to moan deeply into his mouth, his groan following her. They're both in euphoria, feeling the same deep love for one another, embracing how it feels to be filled and engulfed by each other._

_"Make love to me, Cory, please…now." She says harshly, pushing her hips up into him, enticing a loud hiss and groan from him as his balls touch her wet center, deeper than before. _

_He exists her again, and plunges back into her hard and quick, giving her exactly what she needs. She wraps her legs around him, each ankle parallel to his perfect mounds. His movements quicken, causing the bed to hit the wall over and over, as he pulls her arms up above her head with only one of his hands, hovering his lips over hers, teasing her before letting her have him._

_"Oh god, baby you're so tight…I love you, I love you…god I love you." He groans into her mouth, listening to the sound of their skin slapping against each other, slick with sweat._

_He keeps his movements going until he can feel himself nearing the edge. _

_"I'm close, Lee…" He says to her._

_"Me too baby, god I'm so close." She moans to him, forcing herself out of his grasp, her hands finding any place they can grab, her nails digging into the skin of his arms, holding him to her closely as he rocks his body against her over and over, his large cock moving in and out of her quicker and quicker until she can feel him tense up, as her body follows, she feels his hot stream of semen pour into her, filling her with his seed. She follows soon after, milking him of every last drop he has. _

_As they both come back down from their high, she still rocks himself slowly in and out of her, filling her even when they're both satisfied. No matter how long, they can never get enough of each other. _

As her tears start to slow, she removes her hands from her face, and looks back down to her daughter. She reaches for the wooden bar of the crib, and feels a large hand on the small of her shoulder. At first, she doesn't move. She stands still, closing her eyes, letting the last few tears fall down her rosy cheeks. She knows its him. She would know that hand anywhere.

As much as she misses him, she knows he's always there.

Once she opens her eyes, she slowly turns her body slightly around, seeing his beautiful face in front of her. He looks angelic, a certain glow about him. She looks up into his eyes, and all she sees is love. She sees no pain, only love – and sadness. She knows he didn't want this. She knows he didn't mean to leave her. She knows she is wrong to resent him…but she can't help but feel it.

Neither of them says a word, just looking each other in the eyes, as she watches him advert his stare to the small person behind her. His eyes pause for seconds, before making there way back to her. He doesn't speak to her, only nods his head, and reaches his hand down to her face. She feels his hand, but it feels neither warm, nor cold. It just feels like him. She's not sure what she sees, if she's imagining or if it's real, but in this moment, she doesn't care. The only focus is on the man standing only inches away from her.

The man in front of her is her husband. He is the love of her life. Her other half. Her soul mate. He is the father of her child. He is a daddy.

She looks up at him, and slowly parts her lips, trying to muster up a voice to speak, but only finds herself mute as she tries. She's not scared, she's not sad, she just is. There are no words to describe the feeling she has. As she tries to take a deep breath, his hands find her face, as she parts her lips again to find the only words she can think of.

"I love you." She whispers, her voice breaking.

He stares at her, her favorite crooked smile beaming back at her.

"I love you too, Lee." He says back, clear as if he was really here. She knows its him, and she knows it's not her imagination.

As she reaches out to touch his arm, the wail of her infant daughter suddenly makes her heart jump. She is now aware of her reality once again, as she touches his arm and squeezes as hard as she can. The tears fall down her cheeks once more, as he leans down and places a kiss on her forehead.

"This is what we always wanted, baby. She's our little miracle. And I made sure she got here safely and soundly. Take care of her, love her, give her everything she needs. I'm sorry I can't be here to help you…but you need to give her what I can't. I want more than anything to be right beside you every time she cries. I wish I could see her smile for the first time, laugh for the first time. I wish I could see her eat her first solid food, see her crawl for the first time, stand for the first time – walk for the first time. I wish I could be here to give her a daddy. I wish I could hear her say her first words, and cross my fingers that 'dada' comes first. I wish I could be here to see her get on the school bus for the first time, to graduate high school, to hold her when she goes through her first heartbreak. I wish I could be here to walk her down the isle at her wedding. I wish more than anything that I could stop myself from doing what I did that day, Lee. I'm paying for my mistakes. I hate it. Being trapped here. I want you, baby. I love you so god damn much, and I miss you every second. But I can't be there. So I need you to be strong…because I know you are. You're so strong, baby." Now tears of his own fall down his face as he looks at her, hating himself for doing this to her.

"There's nothing more I wish that I could be here forever, to share these memories. But I'm always here. Always by your side. I was there when you had her. I know how hard it was for you. I know that you were in labor for 7 hours, and handling it like a champion – even without me. I heard every word you said when you were alone. I know that you knew I was there with you. I was there holding your hand, but you couldn't see that or feel that and I'm so sorry."

He pulls her gently towards him, embracing her into him as he peers over her shoulder at the baby that is his daughter. The one that they had tried so hard for. The one that he wanted more than anything.

"You can do this." He whispers against her skin, and she can feel the air of his breath. She grips his sweater in both of her hands, and begs him not to go. She closes her eyes, and when she opens them, he's gone. Her hands are still clenched in fists of where his shirt was, and her cheeks are still damp from crying.

She tries to regain composure, and takes a deep breath. She's thankful. She's thankful that he got to be here with her for such a brief moment. She misses him, more than she could have ever expected.

She lets out a broken sob, and wipes her tears with her sleeve, turning back around to the crib. She reaches in, and slips her hands under the baby's arms, pulling her out and onto her chest, cradling her small head into the crook of her neck. She cries silently into the baby's hair, brushing it with her fingertips, whispering soft words into her ear.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I love you so much…I love you so much. We worked so hard to bring you into this world, and here you are. Perfect. Your what I have left of him, baby girl. Mommy's so sorry." She whispers to her daughter.

The baby lets out soft sounds as she relaxes into her embrace. Her small hands grasp Lea's shirt, fisting a bunch of fabric into her strong hands. Her tiny lips search for her mother's breast, hungry. She can feel her nose brushing her skin softly, as she thinks how lucky she truly is. He left her with this beautiful gift. This beautiful little girl who she loves more than anything. And she would never take that for granted again. She couldn't waste her tears anymore. He didn't want that. He loves her and their daughter, and he misses them – this she knows.

She thinks back to when she first found out about her. She remembers how she didn't care to find out the sex of the baby, even though they talked about how they wanted to find out as soon as they could. She remembers passing the baby section of every store she shopped in, as if she wasn't having a baby of her own. She remembers never speaking to her baby when she was still inside of her. She remembers feeling the kicks, and wishing they weren't there. She remembers cursing him the day she had her, wishing that she was never pregnant. She remembers hating herself the second they placed her baby in her arms.

"Mommy and daddy love you. It's okay." She whispers, and places a small kiss on her head.

"We love you."


End file.
